Post-separation abuse
Blocks access to money after separation
Drains joint bank accounts or assets
Uses stalking behaviours (property damage, excessive phone calls, phone threats and verbal abuse, phones and hangs up, etc.), particularly if you take a stand against what he wants
Monitors your whereabouts and/or follows you
Uses technology to stalk you
Uses social media to talk about your case or slander your name
Locks you out of the family home
Increases threats and intimidation
Escalates abusive behaviours when you have a new partner
Threatens/causes harm to your new partner
Makes false allegations to slander/undermine your new partner
Destroys your/children’s belongings
Uses children to justify breaking no contact orders
Disrupts children’s routines (e.g., sleep, eating, sports, etc.)
Withholds information about children
Contradicts your rules for children
Demands visitation schedules at your/children’s expense
Makes false accusations of bad parenting
Exploits “father’s rights” to gain sympathy/undermine you
Withholds child/spousal support, medical insurance, financial contribution to children’s extra expenses (e.g., sports, daycare, school uniform/graduation costs)
Neglects children during his time with them
Uses violence in front of children
Uses corporal punishment with children
Ignores children’s schedules, needs, identities, fears
Uses new partner to take on parental duties
Tells children his new partner is their new mother
Enforces strict gender roles with the children
Degrades you to children/family members
Uses children as spies/to monitor you
Threatens to kidnap children
Refuses to permit your travel with the children
Refuses to sign for children’s passports/provide you with them
Threatens to call CAS and have the children removed
Legal Abuse
Denies the abuse
Appears charming and conciliatory to the judge or other legal personnel, raising questions about the credibility of your story
Has you counter-charged by the police, complaining that you assaulted him too
Doesn’t allow children to call you when they are with him
Acts as his own lawyer as a bullying strategy in which he cross-examines you as an intimidation tactic
Makes endless motions over minor or inappropriate issues
Uses intimidation and threats if you do not agree to financial arrangements that disadvantage you
Pressures you to accept mediation and joint parenting arrangements even if you feel threatened and unsafe
Coerces you to trade away some legal rights (e.g., the right to property or financial support) in exchange for others (e.g., child-related)
Pressures you to change bail conditions or to try to have the charges dropped if he has been criminally charged
Contacts you out of court under the guise of negotiating the case
Uses delay tactics such as refusing to sell the matrimonial home or respond to legal offers, delaying providing financial information, etc.
Repeatedly changes lawyers, thus slowing the process down
Withholds information (such as financial disclosure) and then insists on unreasonable disclosure from you
Threatens to take/keep the children if you insist on leaving
Makes malicious reports slandering you to the court and other officials (child protection authorities, police, housing personnel, Ontario Works, etc.)
Threatens harm/death if you pursue legal proceedings
Attempts to interfere in the professional relationship you have with your lawyer in an effort to reduce your confidence in your own lawyer or make them reluctant to represent you