Leaving a relationship in which you have been abused and going through the family court system are both very stressful.
Self-care during this time of your life is important and can have a positive impact on your healing process and energy as you move forward.
Create a self-care plan
Here are some tools to walk you through the process of developing your own self-care plan. This is a long-term plan for reducing your stress and honouring your mind, body and spirit.
What self-care strategies are you already following, want to try or have decided may not be for you?
You can use the list below as a guide to develop your self-care plan.
Self-care checklist
Emotional / Spiritual
- Find ways to praise myself every day. Ask for help when I need it.
- Build time for self-reflection into my day, even if it is just five minutes.
- Let myself cry.
- Find a reason to smile or laugh every day.
- Make sure to have some quiet time every day.
- Listen to the kind thoughts I tell myself and believe what I hear.
- Be creative – draw, paint, write or cook.
- Spend time in nature.
- Explore my spirituality.
- Read inspirational books.
Physical
- Go for a walk.
- Go to the gym or join a fitness group (e.g., walking or running club or class at the gym).
- Go dancing.
- Take a bath.
- Get a massage
- Eat three meals a day.
- Avoid over- or under-eating as a coping mechanism.
- Focus on healthy foods.
- Cook meals for my family as much as possible.
- Limit the habits that do not make me feel good over the long term (e.g., alcohol, caffeine, nicotine, certain foods).
- Set a regular time to go to bed and to get up.
- Engage in calming activities at bedtime (self-reflection, non-caffeinated beverage, reading, meditation, stretching).
- Sleep in my own bed (as opposed to falling asleep on the couch while watching TV).
- Turn screens off half an hour before bedtime.
- Take time to breathe deeply and calm my body when I am overwhelmed.
- Use a stone, a picture or another small object to focus on or hold when I am overwhelmed.
Social
- Make new friends with people who value me for who I am and who make me feel good about who I am.
- Build a small group of friends with whom I feel safe sharing my story.
- Know how to say no and set boundaries.
- Find new interests that let me meet new people.
- Do something every week that I feel passionate about and that brings me joy.
- Volunteer or join a cause.
Financial
- Set up my own bank account at a different financial institution from where my ex-partner banks.
- Get a credit card in my name only.
- Establish a budget for my family’s regular expenses.
- Put money every week/month into a “treat” fund, even if it is only a few dollars at a time.
Workplace / Work at home
- Find purpose and meaning in my work.
- Maintain work-life balance.
- Have positive relationships with co-workers.
- Use boundaries to protect myself.
Psychological
- Understand that grieving is a healthy part of the journey I am on.
- Give myself permission to feel angry.
- Get professional help when I need it.
- Build balance into my life.
- Actively work to reduce stress in my life.
- Learn about woman abuse and how to heal.
- Attend counselling or a women’s group to help with my healing.
- Focus on what I am grateful for.
- Write in a journal.
When the children are with their father
- Book extra shifts at work.
- Take the time to visit my family.
- Invite friends over.
- Cook a complicated meal.
- Cook meals ahead and put them in the freezer.
- Go to the movies, with friends or alone.
- Visit out-of-town friends.
- Clean out some closets.
- Organize all my old photos.
- Spend a whole day reading a book.
- Do something I have always wanted to do.
When I have a court date
- Find a quiet space to breathe.
- Find a something to focus on to help me tune out negativity (a picture, a nice pair of shoes, a stone, etc.).
- Access support (counselling, friends, family).
- Plan some self-care activities when court is over.